I’m intimidated. I haven’t updated my blog in a while, so this post should be a good one, huh? But now I’m overwhelmed. What’s new?, you ask. Nothing and everything. I feel like I’m floundering in a post-grad wasteland.
I miss my dearest friends, and my boyfriend. I live in Minneapolis, and so does Christina (and I have other friends here), but my boyfriend Eddie lives in Chicago and Ashley is in Korea and Brenna is in Chicago and Sarita is in D.C. and Amanda is in Dallas and Robin is in Iowa City, and everyone else is far, far away, too. Heather and her fam are in Des Moines, which might as well be far, far away. Sometimes the pain of missing someone lays dormant until it flares powerfully because of a word or a You’ve Got Mail quote or a perfect piece of mail.
But some people aren’t that far away, and I can’t muster the enthusiasm to call them. And I think to myself, “Well, she doesn’t call, so I don’t call, but I’m not sure if I miss her enough to call, but I can’t afford to do anything if I do call, and I’d rather just stay in with my book.”
I feel like I’m kind of a mess right now. I’m discouraged by a lack of a “real” job but I’m too discouraged to do anything to disrupt the comfort of not having a full-time job. I haven’t applied for a job in a month, I haven’t told anyone who’d want my money that I can’t afford to pay back my student loans, and every little irritant gets under my skin and really pisses me off or upsets me lately. And in the back of my mind, I always know I’m not blogging and I should be.
However, I’m currently enjoying the following:
-listening to live music at The Cedar
-downloading Feist on French radio
-reading Meaghan O’Connell’s blog Life is hard. Here is someone.
-my oh-so-obliging-to-my-every-literary-whim Hennepin County Library, which gets me everything I want to read delivered to my local library with remarkable speed. Last month, it was the new Dave Eggers and the entire Griffin and Sabine collection, this month it’s the new Michael Chabon and the complete works of Lorrie Moore. I spend a lot of time at hclib.org happily surveying the position of all my holds, putting more books on hold, and watching as books go from “In Transit” to “Being Held.” Some days, all I have to look forward to is going to the library to pick up a book.